Being Attached

There are many ways that one can be attached to their dating partner~ emotional or physical.  I've been at both places and I think emotional is definitely the hardest.

So right now in my life... realizing how hard it is to disappoint someone (or reject someone).  It's so much easier to write an email to someone I went out on one date vs. talking to someone on the phone after several dates.  I'm learning the hard way.  So much easier when I know from the beginning that it will not work out.  As hard it is to believe, it's easier to break up with someone that is your bf than someone you are just dating.  Isn't that weird?  I think for me it's b/c with a bf, there are MAJOR issues that ensues before the break up.  With someone that you are dating, it's more b/c you are not into them to even be your boyfriend.  So the conversation is awkward and stressful.

I had to have this conversation about 2 months ago with Mr. Paper Perfect.  He appreciated my honesty, but I felt so sick in the stomach afterwards.  I've never had that type of conversation until that night.

I am planning on having this type of conversation with Mr. Young very soon.  I tried.  I gave it what I could give him...and I realized that it will never work.  He deserves so much more than what I can give him now.  We are from 2 different worlds.... 2 different life stage that I can't imagine being satisfied.  (He doesn't have enough to offer to the life I have now and the relationship experience to make me feel fulfilled.)   If I was 5 years younger, I would have the time to pursue it...and we'd be on a more similar page.  But the reality is ... I'm 5 years older, not much time to explore or wait. 

He needs more life experience for me to feel connected to him and have that understanding...and to be honest we are missing that.  He is sweet and good.  He is doing everything to progress this relationship forward and have invited me to meet his older brother.  (Sigh) We have amazing physical chemistry, but we all know we need more than that to build a future.  Therefore, I must do what I must before I get in too deep.  I pray he will forgive me...  to disappoint or hurt someone in this way is one of the hardest thing to do.  I hope I won't have to do this again for a loooooooong time.