Friday, October 8, 2010

Breaking up is hard to do...

Young & Reckless Graffiti T-Shirt - Men's ( sz. L, White )
So last night, I had the talk... of course it was awkward.  Of course it was uncomfortable, sad, and heart breaking.  It was one of the worse ones this year.

After my long term break up ~ tears & pain.  I had 3 minor endings.  One was with a complete douche bag who just wanted to get into my pants after just one date.  Second one was Mr. Paper perfect ~ after 5 dates ~ I didn't want to force what wasn't there ~ chemistry.  My third ...least favorite to end, Mr. Young who we dated for 3 months~ so sweet and adorable. 

I was nervous, I was anxious, and I was stressed that I had to have the "talk."  He knew... as he said, "just take your time...and say what you need to say..."

So I spilled everything of how much I liked him, cared for him, adored him...but our life stages were too far apart for me to make it work.  I just couldn't see myself being that patient, accepting and understanding.  I wish things were different...but then we'd be different.  If I was 5 years younger it would not be a problem.  If he was older & more established... but the reality is, this is what it is. 

I was afraid of hurting him.  (I even got teary eyed when I was sharing with my girlfriends about this dilemma.)  I was afraid that he'd be angry or that he'd hate me.  But he was so understanding... so mature about it all.   He said he understood the risks when we went into it.  I reminded him of our last conversation when I told him I could not promise anything...and this was the conclusion that came out of it.  He shared how he knew we were both thinking about our situation and that it was good that I was able to bring it up b/c both of us was ignoring the issue.  He was sweet to say that I was "over qualified" that he should date people who aren't ready like I am to settle down... to find my "prince charming."  I laughed when he said "prince charming."  Is my prince charming really out there?

He said with some regret that perhaps he should not have called me and that he should have left it as is when we first ended it.  But because he missed me that he wanted to call and see me... and that he wanted to continue to date.  (Deep down I think he knew I couldn't wait for him...)

Regardless, he was calm, understanding, and accepting about my decision for our relationship.  He said he accepted the situation...eventhough he did want to continue our relationship to see where it could go.  For me, I didn't want to lead him on to believe that things can really happen when I knew he deserved to be with someone that could give him more than I could.  He joked that when he finishes school and gets a million dollar job that he'd call me.  Lol.  Perhaps, he'd be my back up.  I joked with him about it all ~ in 5 years if I'm still single.  (But let's all hope that I'm not single then! EEK.)

It was hard to end the conversation b/c we really cared about each other.  He took it all so well that it made me wonder if he already knew how it would end....  He will be dearly missed but I know this is for the best.  I wish him the best in life as he is one of the sweetest guys I know.  Mr. Young~ thank you for the memories and giving me hope that there are nice guys out there still~

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