Thursday, October 14, 2010

A Broken Year

It's already mid October...can't believe it.  The holidays are rolling in...and I feel exhausted in the dating scene.  I should just really stop and take a break.   Maybe it's my personality that I just don't like to "wait" or feel like I'm wasting time. I don't like the idea of just letting time pass... and it's mainly because I'm getting older.  When I was in my 20's I don't remember thinking this way. 

I really should stay single til the new year... 2011...

This year was a disastrous year of break-ups and disappointments to say the least.  I'd "hope...." only to have the sad and bleak ending.  sigh.  Granted I'm the one doing most of the walking's still really sad for me...  It's not easy making such decision and it's tougher having that "talk."

I'd say it's been a crazy year.  I really don't know where all the time has gone.  I don't feel I accomplished much tangibly except to say that I've stretched myself in ways I never thought I could and would. 

I hope that this year's past experience will have brought me some clarity and understanding of the opposite sex and of myself.  I feel that I understand better of who would be a good fit for me, who I'd be attracted to, who'd bring out the best in me...  I feel that I learned to be a better person overall from this year's lessons.  Or I'd put to practice the art of patience, acceptance, and respect by meeting different types of people.  I've learned to accept others as they are, not trying to change them and not demanding things that I really shouldn't be.  Is it possible that I've become a less demanding and stubborn person?  That I have grown to learn to accept men as they are? 

Instead of demanding, I just walk away.  I wonder tho, is that better or worse?  I walk away because I realize that there is no long term future.  I walk away because I realize that I will never accept the big picture of the situation.  I walk away because I know there is someone better for them, someone who will love & accept them without them changing.  I walk away because I know I can not change my situation.  Lately, I've been doing a lot of walking away.  I've been in tears a few... and now... I just feel numb.

Walk Away

How have I stretched myself or changed you ask?
  • I don't ask for things...aka I don't demand
  • I don't expect much, I enjoy the company & time spent with a smile ;)
  • I have been more patient and understanding
  • I have learned to not let little things get to me (if they are late, they are late)
  • I dated outside my ethnicity - trying to learn the similarities and differences
  • I've been more open minded in dating and meeting new people
  • I've also been more picky in dating (sort of contradictory to the previous one but it's true!)
  • I know when to say no
  • I've learned to walk away sooner than later...

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