Friday, November 26, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
So reading a book by Henry Cloud...and well it's a different approach than most Christian philosophers. Dating is a way in which we learn about ourselves and learning how to relate with others. It's also an opportunity to serve others. Wow. With that new approach, I definitely can have more of a positive outlook toward dating as for most people it can be pretty exhausting! In essence, I love meeting new people and getting to know them and developing new & wonderful relationships. Although, dates can be a one shot deal, you still can learn a lot from people. Why people are the way they are... how they became that way...what affects them. It's all really interesting. Anyway, I hope that this refresh my energy and outlook toward it all. It's a small part of life yet we at times focus TOO much on it.... I'm probably guilty of that at times.
Recently, I've been focusing on other personal projects that's been MORE healthy: decluttering, exercising, and building on my hobbies. :) It's been fun. Who knows what 2011 will bring as it is right around the corner!!!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
One can get overwhelmed when someone is too forward or expressive about their feelings BEFORE they even meet you...
When you are so easily smitten, it's a sign of eagerness and desperation.... and sir, that is NOT attractive. I hope that I never come off like that to anyone. If so, I would not blame them for running the other way.
For me, if you try too hard, say too much too soon, it will push me toward a different direction. That is what I realized about myself.
Also sadly, weight does matter... it reflects their lifestyle. If someone is overweight it tells me a few things:
1. They are not active enough
2. They don't care about their health.
3. Food sort of consumes their life.
4. They don't care about their looks.
I have issues with food...that I'm constantly working on. But I would say I'm average weight, not overweight. I think someone is overweight when they have a belly...and that is the worst kind of unhealthy weight.
Having a desk job, I feel my butt getting numb & wide and this is NOT a good thing. I'm always happy to get up and walk around. Always thinking, how can I get out of this chair and move today????
Thursday, October 14, 2010
I really should stay single til the new year... 2011...
This year was a disastrous year of break-ups and disappointments to say the least. I'd "hope...." only to have the sad and bleak ending. sigh. Granted I'm the one doing most of the walking away...it's still really sad for me... It's not easy making such decision and it's tougher having that "talk."
I'd say it's been a crazy year. I really don't know where all the time has gone. I don't feel I accomplished much tangibly except to say that I've stretched myself in ways I never thought I could and would.
I hope that this year's past experience will have brought me some clarity and understanding of the opposite sex and of myself. I feel that I understand better of who would be a good fit for me, who I'd be attracted to, who'd bring out the best in me... I feel that I learned to be a better person overall from this year's lessons. Or I'd put to practice the art of patience, acceptance, and respect by meeting different types of people. I've learned to accept others as they are, not trying to change them and not demanding things that I really shouldn't be. Is it possible that I've become a less demanding and stubborn person? That I have grown to learn to accept men as they are?
Instead of demanding, I just walk away. I wonder tho, is that better or worse? I walk away because I realize that there is no long term future. I walk away because I realize that I will never accept the big picture of the situation. I walk away because I know there is someone better for them, someone who will love & accept them without them changing. I walk away because I know I can not change my situation. Lately, I've been doing a lot of walking away. I've been in tears a few... and now... I just feel numb.
- I don't ask for things...aka I don't demand
- I don't expect much, I enjoy the company & time spent with a smile ;)
- I have been more patient and understanding
- I have learned to not let little things get to me (if they are late, they are late)
- I dated outside my ethnicity - trying to learn the similarities and differences
- I've been more open minded in dating and meeting new people
- I've also been more picky in dating (sort of contradictory to the previous one but it's true!)
- I know when to say no
- I've learned to walk away sooner than later...
Monday, October 11, 2010
We spent our last hours talking and just enjoying each other's company. Neither of us talked about how it would be the last time we'd see each other or how sad we were until the very last hour.
I gave him a pouty face. =(
As he said, "Don't be sad."
me: "Why? Because you are not sad?"
Mr. young: "No, I'm sad too. But it's easier b/c we know it is the best thing for both of us."
I sadly nodded in agreement.
It's funny because eventhough I'm the one that ended it, it felt a bit like he ended it because I more emotional about it. I try to keep it in and not show it too much because who wants to sulking to be the last memory? In the end it was easier for me too because I could see that he accepted and understood the situation. My fear was hurting him, but to know that I didn't to the degree that I feared, I was relieved. He made it so easy for me to walk away because he was so understanding and mature about it. I guess we both knew the fate of this relationship but we had still wanted to try to see where it could go (hoping for a fairy tale ending). I just didn't want to get more attached and lead him on when I knew that it would have to end.
Our last night was a fun night to remember. I haven't danced like that in awhile. I haven't let myself go in that way in awhile. We enjoyed the night for what it was with no regrets. Who knew that a dating affair could end so well? Our mutual care and understanding of the situation made it so much easier to bare. I do miss him ...but I will do my best to make a clean cut break because we all know that is the "best" thing to do...
So Mr. Young, thank you and good bye. May you accomplish all that you have set out to do...as you deserve the very best~
Friday, October 8, 2010
After my long term break up ~ tears & pain. I had 3 minor endings. One was with a complete douche bag who just wanted to get into my pants after just one date. Second one was Mr. Paper perfect ~ after 5 dates ~ I didn't want to force what wasn't there ~ chemistry. My third ...least favorite to end, Mr. Young who we dated for 3 months~ so sweet and adorable.
I was nervous, I was anxious, and I was stressed that I had to have the "talk." He knew... as he said, "just take your time...and say what you need to say..."
So I spilled everything of how much I liked him, cared for him, adored him...but our life stages were too far apart for me to make it work. I just couldn't see myself being that patient, accepting and understanding. I wish things were different...but then we'd be different. If I was 5 years younger it would not be a problem. If he was older & more established... but the reality is, this is what it is.
I was afraid of hurting him. (I even got teary eyed when I was sharing with my girlfriends about this dilemma.) I was afraid that he'd be angry or that he'd hate me. But he was so understanding... so mature about it all. He said he understood the risks when we went into it. I reminded him of our last conversation when I told him I could not promise anything...and this was the conclusion that came out of it. He shared how he knew we were both thinking about our situation and that it was good that I was able to bring it up b/c both of us was ignoring the issue. He was sweet to say that I was "over qualified" that he should date people who aren't ready like I am to settle down... to find my "prince charming." I laughed when he said "prince charming." Is my prince charming really out there?
He said with some regret that perhaps he should not have called me and that he should have left it as is when we first ended it. But because he missed me that he wanted to call and see me... and that he wanted to continue to date. (Deep down I think he knew I couldn't wait for him...)
Regardless, he was calm, understanding, and accepting about my decision for our relationship. He said he accepted the situation...eventhough he did want to continue our relationship to see where it could go. For me, I didn't want to lead him on to believe that things can really happen when I knew he deserved to be with someone that could give him more than I could. He joked that when he finishes school and gets a million dollar job that he'd call me. Lol. Perhaps, he'd be my back up. I joked with him about it all ~ in 5 years if I'm still single. (But let's all hope that I'm not single then! EEK.)
It was hard to end the conversation b/c we really cared about each other. He took it all so well that it made me wonder if he already knew how it would end.... He will be dearly missed but I know this is for the best. I wish him the best in life as he is one of the sweetest guys I know. Mr. Young~ thank you for the memories and giving me hope that there are nice guys out there still~
Thursday, October 7, 2010
I had to have this conversation about 2 months ago with Mr. Paper Perfect. He appreciated my honesty, but I felt so sick in the stomach afterwards. I've never had that type of conversation until that night.
I am planning on having this type of conversation with Mr. Young very soon. I tried. I gave it what I could give him...and I realized that it will never work. He deserves so much more than what I can give him now. We are from 2 different worlds.... 2 different life stage that I can't imagine being satisfied. (He doesn't have enough to offer to the life I have now and the relationship experience to make me feel fulfilled.) If I was 5 years younger, I would have the time to pursue it...and we'd be on a more similar page. But the reality is ... I'm 5 years older, not much time to explore or wait.
He needs more life experience for me to feel connected to him and have that understanding...and to be honest we are missing that. He is sweet and good. He is doing everything to progress this relationship forward and have invited me to meet his older brother. (Sigh) We have amazing physical chemistry, but we all know we need more than that to build a future. Therefore, I must do what I must before I get in too deep. I pray he will forgive me... to disappoint or hurt someone in this way is one of the hardest thing to do. I hope I won't have to do this again for a loooooooong time.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
His phone ran out of battery which was the only reason I think we stopped talking... or it could have gone all night! Eeek! So I don't know what I think about him YET, but nonetheless a very interesting conversationalist. He did mention how it was very easy to talk to me and I was very articulate. I hate to hoot my own horn (ok not really), but this has been said to be many times that I'm a good conversationalist which he agreed and gave me a "gold star." Lol.
So today I get one gold star... now I'm going to shoot for 100 more! =)
Have you ever had a conversation so interesting that you didn't think to get off the phone?
Monday, September 13, 2010
Mr. Young: You are a 10 in my book. :)
Sigh. Doesn't every girl want to be adored? This is what he does to me... this is why it's hard for me to walk away. He says the sweetest things and drives so far just to spend a little time with me... =(
Friday, September 10, 2010
First let me tell you about my very funny roommate. I wasn't home yet from work and Mr. Young was waiting in his car outside so she kindly let him in. It was her first time meeting him and this was their initial conversation.
Roommate: Ah...I can see now why my roommate likes you.
Mr. Young: Ummm....Why...?
Roommate: Because you are a cutie.
Mr. Young: ????
OMG. My roommate is so funny! Yes and very blunt. I don't think I'd say it to someone's face, but maybe because she knew how young he was, she felt comfortable to say such a comment. Or maybe it's just because that's just how my roommate is! Mr. Young told me this very interesting dialogue and I am sure he was flattered & thoroughly amused at the same time. Ayayaya.
Anyway, to the serious stuff. It took me about a week to gather up my thoughts as to what I was going to say to him... and basically I laid it on THICK! I told him all my reservations, concerns, and realities. I wanted to scare him so that he knows this is serious stuff...and partial hope of scaring him off so that I won't have to deal with all this.
This is the summary of our talk:
Me: I can't promise you anything at this point and the way I see how things are now I don't see it working out. I don't know if I can wait 2-3 years. So I'm open to dating and getting to know each other better, but I am afraid that one or both of us will get hurt. I don't think you really know what you are getting yourself into. Can you really say that you are ready for the next step in life? I have 5 years of experience ahead of you. You would be sacrificing your youth, your freedom, and your own timeline. There are added pressures that you would not deal with if you were not dating me (such as marriage, money, and time). I'm sacrificing waiting for you to be where I am, and you'd be sacrificing your youth. Sigh. A lot of sacrifices to be made... is it worth it? You would have to make some changes in your life that you didn't originally plan if you are really serious about pursuing me. The fact that I'm 5 years older is serious! I am afraid that even if it works out that I will have to wait 2-3 years... and not sure if I can right now.
Mr. Young: Your age doesn't bother me... and I've experienced enough. There are plenty of people who marry younger and have kids. I really like you from what I know of you now. I don't want to put a time frame, but I don't want to waste your time either. I guess that's what we have figure out if it's worth it in the long run. I realize that it is a risk we are taking. Yes I know we can get hurt, but with risk there are also rewards. Without it, we will never know...
Sigh. I just don't know why he decided that he wanted this now... and he said it's because he realized how much he missed me and liked me after 3 weeks without me. More sigh~~~
Logically, rationally, and realistically... I just don't see it working out...b/c of our HUGE life stage difference. BUT by chance, in the LONG shot it does, don't I deserve to find out??? If he is that person that can forever make me happy, shouldn't I try? This is MY dilemma. My rationality behind giving it a shot is that I'm not giving him commitment at this point. It's open and I can technically date other people if I wanted. But honestly, will I have time and energy to do that? Probably not. So... internally for myself I'm probably going to give myself 2-3 months...til I make a final decision. This is a VERY tough spot I am in... and I really don't know how it's all going to pan out. I'm scared, excited, but mostly anxious about the outcome...
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Come the weekend... he wanted to rollerblade... sounded so datish! I had a nervous feeling at the pit of my stomach like it was the first date again. After blading and grabbing a quick bite, he proceeded to have the "talk" with me.
I was shocked by all the words that came out of his mouth... like a bomb that hit me or more like a curve ball. Basically he poured his heart out saying how he missed me and how fortunate he felt to have met someone like me and that he wanted to try to make this relationship work if something fantastic can come out of it. I became numb in the mind as millions of thoughts were racing thru my mind. Basically, he didn't want to live with the what ifs and what could be's if we continued dating. I didn't expect this at all. I expected friendship or closure that he needed by seeing me again. Heart stopped. I was flattered but lost for words...
I quickly scrambled in my mind for words to speak ... to lay the "realities" of our situation. He was years behind in where I am in life. My life was all set for the next big chapter - finding Mr. Right and getting married. He was still working on his school & career. This was a disaster waiting to happen in terms of a timeline for a healthy progression in a relationship. He told me that I didn't have to answer him then that I could think about it. So I decided to think & pray...
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
That's the situation that I was faced with one week ago. 4 weeks ago, I had the "talk" with Mr. Young. We had ended things because I couldn't offer commitment and he could not promise me a definite future. In essence, we were in completely different life stage. As much as I liked him and was attracted to him, I accepted that I had to move onto better potential prospects.
A few weeks passed where I did date other people, slowly I started to forget and move on. I had a few disappointments as the month passed... along the way thinking about him wondering... "what if?" What if I was younger... what if he was older...what if he had his shit together?
Then exactly 3 weeks, I get a phone call as my caller ID read: "Mr. Young." What the heck? I didn't know why he was calling when we agreed that it was over and that to avoid future hurts that we would not talk or see each other. I answered the call and it was as if things were the same... Same laughter, same jokes, same comfort. Then, he said that he wanted to see me...
Thursday, August 19, 2010
I am going to start my posts with each of the "men" I've been dating or have dated b/c they make some great stories. Let me just start by saying that when I was 21, dating a long-term boyfriend of 4 years, that I would never imagine fast foward 10 years later, that I would have such crazy dating adventures as these...
Here are some interesting title of future blogs to look forward to:
- Venice Boy - the perfect spring fling
- Vegas Guy #1 - long distances, long time makes the heart grow fonder?
- Vegas Guy #2 - too young, too raw, too soon, too poor
- Perfect on Paper - Why force it?
- The Drunk Reckless Guy - Unexpected douche bag
- Need to know guy - Homework on a first date?
- Getting lost - who makes a guy run on a 1st date except me?
- Too friendly to be more
- Really? Did you just ask me what type of underwear I wear?
- Paying to get out (Lawyer guy)
- Let us pray... Can you be too goody for me to like you?
- Too poor to date
- There is no such thing as a guy who doesn't want X!
- Living the fantasy via text/email
- The back-up Plan/ Guy